...and *better* is the foundation where you can start to make your unique "rules to live by". Let me explain.
We humans like labels. Preferably either/or labels where we can toss things in one pile or another and not think any further about it. It's lucky or unfortunate, healthy or toxic, ambitious or lazy, pretty or not-so-pretty. It's something we agree with or abhor, logical or ridiculous, always or never, amazing or completely underwhelming.
It's all right. Or wrong.
I like the idea of *better* over right or wrong. I only know what my own *better* looks like. I don't know what his *better* is, or that girl's, or the politician's, or the grocery store cashier's, or the PTA mom's, or the doctor's. I couldn't possibly understand what conspires to create the actions of anyone else. I've got to keep my eyes on my own paper.
I'm not looking for the "right answer" anymore. I don't do things so that I'm "not wrong". I'm releasing that and I am focusing my energy instead on what feels better.
My *better* looks like: Practicing yoga at 5am. Taking a breath before I speak. Showing up with integrity. Saying no when it's not a YES. Staying quiet. Eating dark chocolate. Creating the space and, therefore, the time.
It's not right or wrong to get up before the sunrise to practice yoga; it makes me feel better and sets a better tone for my day. It's not right or wrong to take a deep breath before I reply; it makes me a better communicator to not reach for the first response my mind throws out my mouth. It's not right or wrong to show up with integrity (really, it's not...but you may have a story about whether it is); it makes me feel better about the work I do to have this quality first and foremost.
When I look at my "rules to live by" (and this includes rules I parent by, work by, eat by, friend by, spend time/energy/attention/money by), I don't want to be right or wrong about them. I don't want my life to feel right. Or wrong. I want it to feel better.
Feeling better is the new yardstick. I'm not measuring right or wrong. I'm measuring better. And I think we can all keep getting better...