Anxiety & Portals

If you, like me, are bent towards anxiety as a way of coping with things and people and stress and situations and places and have, at some point, gotten to a place where anxiety has begun to take over, you have perhaps come to your knees in frustration and yelled in your head or towards God and the Universe or just to the room in general: ENOUGH.


Enough. Boy, do I hear you. I have done that dance.


And as frustrating and embarrassing and overwhelming and uncomfortable as the anxiety has sometimes been, in the quiet moments after the rage of the *enough-ness* when I’m still sitting there with myself, there is this (sometimes very) slight glimmer. The glimmer of a reason, some why behind the intensity of it, some purpose in all of the chaos.


Anxiety is, if we can see it this way, an invitation to go inside. It’s a call to get to know and understand yourself. Anxiety is a portal to your internal growth. 


And in case that sounds crazy or like an invitation you could absolutely do without, thankyouverymuch, think about this for a second. We all know people who seem to have a pretty decent time of things and look like they’re coasting through life. From our perspective, nothing super challenging or scary or icky ever seems to come their way. Until one day something challenging and scary and icky *does* come their way, because: humans and life are, by definition, at some point challenging and scary and icky. They, too, yell ENOUGH. And then…then! We see another dimension to these people. We see their mettle.


Have you ever been surprised to see your little brother give a beautiful eulogy, or your best friend (who is pretty badass) become so tender when her little girl is up against something difficult, or a personal hero rise far above criticism that some could have perceived as all-out failure? Yeah, me too.


Those people, in those challenging, scary, icky moments were invited to go higher and deeper and further. A door flew open and they were shoved through a portal of their own towards some internal growth. And when they turned inward they found the words, or the encouragement, or the courage.


We, too, are people who look to be having a decent time of things and coasting through life. From another perspective, it may look like nothing terribly challenging or scary or icky has come our way. And then, wham, something (anxiety, anyone?) challenging and scary and icky does impede our path. For us, too, a portal that we probably weren’t looking for and didn’t know we were missing got thrown open and we were unexpectedly on a path straight inside.


And guess what? That portal leads straight to what you need to find in order to heal. Just like mourners find eulogies and parents find encouragement and leaders find courage, you, too, can find what is necessary.


No one picks the thing that causes their portal to spring forth on the sweet, happy, go-lucky little path of life. No one wants the thing that’s going to invite them to dig in to show up in their life. These things aren’t fun or easy or comfortable because in order to get their attention, they can’t be.


But when the challenges and the scary stuff and the ick show up, anxiety included, you can look for a portal and go willingly. You can know that you have been invited in some cosmic way. You can lean towards your healing and awareness and understanding…