God is a thing I think I see in glimmers all over: an enormous and vague warmth I sometimes catch pulsing around me, giving me shivers and making tears prick my eyes; a mysterious and limitless Thing threaded through all the world and refusing to be reduced to a name or a set of rules and instead winding itself through millions of stories, true and made up, connecting all breathing things.
You're not missing something. You're not broken. Your grand identity will not be revealed to you like a bolt of lightning. It's okay to be scared. Your big feelings are powerful. But it's not okay to hide, especially when what you want more than anything is to be known. Don't shut down. Stick this out.